Well, welcome to the latest installment of NAKED ANXIETY!! I first want to apologize for the lack of dating fiasco's this summer, but things got crazy...
SO, anyone up for Scrabble or Monopoly?? It seems to me, as we age, our affection for games change. This can be what we play, how competitive we get, and how we cope with a big loss. I had somehow built up in my head, as I ventured into my 30's, game playing would change and quite possibly stop happening. WOW, was I wrong. Not only do the games exist, but somehow in your 30's you try to convince yourself it's really not a game you're playing, but rather some battle of willpower and determination.
Let's face it, it's a game. Why the difficulty when dating becomes serious?? I can tell you this 30-something girl has heard it all. I'm afraid to commit, I want commitment too much, I have issues with my mother, I didn't have a mother, and my all time favorite - I'm doing this for you / us. Yeah right! So, it has occurred to me, successful daters aren't any more intelligent, beautiful, or lucky in love then any of the rest of us. They simply have the guts and willpower to endure the plethora of games thrown at us. Now, this goes both ways. Not only do men play their fair share of games, but women do to. Not to mention, I've recently witnessed mutual game playing. One party will feel they are the injured party. Instead of growing some whatever (pick your genitalia) and communicating what they want, they chose to play a game in seek of a desired outcome. Once said game is engaged, the second party will counter with one of their own and before you know it, you're in a full fledged battle to the last one standing.
Let me refresh your memory of the players at hand... Aphrodite, Nyx, and Nike, my best gal pals, who like me are essentially single and 30. We've previously endured the Alpha Zeus, and the unavailable Hermes. SO enter the newest player, Apollo.
Apollo, is a wonderful one on the outside. Respectable, caring, creative, loving, responsible, but on the inside he has moments of being a train wreck. One has to ask about the train wreck part. On one level, who doesn't have one going on from time to time. However, you then have to think, what is causing the train wreck??
Being the oh, so guarded one I am these days, my cynical thoughts were ran over by a hurling train out of control. Before I know it, love was in the mix and I'm suddenly on board the run away train. Initially the ride was a fun one. A little out of control, a little too fast, and just a little exciting. Although I knew the risk of being on a run away train, I also thought eventually I could gain control and end up in at least the engineer's seat part of the time. Boy, was I wrong. Not only did the train hurl over a cliff eventually, but it took down both passengers and possibly a conductor. So, enter the game... Despite the previous discussion of always being honest and not playing games, Mr. Apollo decided now was the time. It's as if he went over the cliff and I managed to find a clever tree branch to hold onto and climb my way back up. I can see Apollo at the bottom. He's alive and well and he can see me, but for whatever reason he has decided he won't communicate with me. No asking for help, no blaming me for the train wreck, no nothing. Funny thing, this greatly resembles a major game of Parcheesi to me. He's ignored my offer to call for help, climb down to help, even throw a rope... By all appearances, Apollo has left the building, but he's not gone. I know all too well, he's lingering in the parking lot awaiting my next move.
Take Aphrodite for example. She too has endured years of battles. Who can withstand the fierce competition the longest?? Who will give in the first?? At the end of the day we both wondered, after the "winner" is left standing what do they really win?? Could it be the winner of the game is really not a winner at all?? Moreover, why even begin in the fun at all??Honestly, in the world of games in dating, who wins?? What comes of it?? Can a winner really be determined. After all the penalties and foul shots, whats left?? Is a relationship doomed from that point on?? So regardless if your game is Chess, Checkers, or Trival Persuit, it's all really just a big game of Life...........
Stripped down, exposed and real…
~N/A
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Monday, June 16, 2008
NAKED ANXIETY: Good Guys (and girls) Always Finish Last... When Will the Race Ever End??
So, it's been a while since N/A has had anything to say... BUT after my dear friend Nyx asked me a poignant question last week, I decided to dive further into it. So the question, Why do good guys and gal's finish last?? And more importantly when will the race ever end?? I decided to expound on that question and wonder, when did we ever agree to race in the first place. Now, I know this is funny coming from a gal who eats, breaths, and lives race competition, but in love??
I suppose always going or always racing is just part of the dating scene. In my mind, it's similar to shoe shopping. Example... I can spend an entire day going from store to store looking for a specific look and feel in a shoe. You know, does it feel good, fit right, is it the right shade of pink, is the heel the right height, is it the right price?? And after that long, exhausting day of trial and error and rejection I could go home with the perfect pair or not. The perfect pair are the timeless, classic Parada's you'll keep forever and will go with everything, but you could end up with something much less. Like a cheap knock off, that initially looks and feels good but won't last past this season. Finally, there is the ultimate rejection of wasting an entire day and going home with nothing at all.
Dating is much similar. After bar night, game night, poker night, speed dating, online dating and blind dates, you may have a keeper that feels good and looks good and will be along for a while. OR, you could end up with a cheap imitation that will only last the month, or worse yet, absolutely nothing at all.
So the race of dating... I'm a giver. Much like my friends Nyx, Aphrodite, and Nike. Us girls, who again I feel are smart, witty, kind, loving, sexy are the nice girls. We don't cheat, lie or use, but somehow we end up in completely dysfunctional relationships. We, the nice girls, are used and then dumped for what is typically a "less nice girl" then us and they end up with the diamond, and later husband and kids. Why?? Now, again this is not always about nice girls, but also nice guys. I have a friend Apollo... He's the typical nice guy. Doesn't cheat, would do ANYTHING for his love, attractive, smart and yet he too is single. AND to add to it, Apollo has horrible timing and ends up chasing his hearts desire with little results thus far.
I guess while contemplating this for the past week, I've come to this conclusion. We agreed to the race, or as we like to say in the world of Drag Racing, we pre-staged and later staged, in our quest for love. I suppose this race won't end though, until we find our fate. I suppose us "good" ones will continue to be last in the race of love, until we find the one. BUT then will we truly finish the race last or will we be the absolute victor??
Stripped down, exposed and real…
~N/A
I suppose always going or always racing is just part of the dating scene. In my mind, it's similar to shoe shopping. Example... I can spend an entire day going from store to store looking for a specific look and feel in a shoe. You know, does it feel good, fit right, is it the right shade of pink, is the heel the right height, is it the right price?? And after that long, exhausting day of trial and error and rejection I could go home with the perfect pair or not. The perfect pair are the timeless, classic Parada's you'll keep forever and will go with everything, but you could end up with something much less. Like a cheap knock off, that initially looks and feels good but won't last past this season. Finally, there is the ultimate rejection of wasting an entire day and going home with nothing at all.
Dating is much similar. After bar night, game night, poker night, speed dating, online dating and blind dates, you may have a keeper that feels good and looks good and will be along for a while. OR, you could end up with a cheap imitation that will only last the month, or worse yet, absolutely nothing at all.
So the race of dating... I'm a giver. Much like my friends Nyx, Aphrodite, and Nike. Us girls, who again I feel are smart, witty, kind, loving, sexy are the nice girls. We don't cheat, lie or use, but somehow we end up in completely dysfunctional relationships. We, the nice girls, are used and then dumped for what is typically a "less nice girl" then us and they end up with the diamond, and later husband and kids. Why?? Now, again this is not always about nice girls, but also nice guys. I have a friend Apollo... He's the typical nice guy. Doesn't cheat, would do ANYTHING for his love, attractive, smart and yet he too is single. AND to add to it, Apollo has horrible timing and ends up chasing his hearts desire with little results thus far.
I guess while contemplating this for the past week, I've come to this conclusion. We agreed to the race, or as we like to say in the world of Drag Racing, we pre-staged and later staged, in our quest for love. I suppose this race won't end though, until we find our fate. I suppose us "good" ones will continue to be last in the race of love, until we find the one. BUT then will we truly finish the race last or will we be the absolute victor??
Stripped down, exposed and real…
~N/A
Thursday, May 29, 2008
NAKED ANXIETY: Summer Lovin’ - Will We Have a Blast??
Well, as with typical all American Summer fun, I was out livin' it up for the Memorial Day weekend, thus the late installment of Naked Anxiety. As with every year, I welcome summer with a traditional weekend of parties, beer, BBQ, and thoughts of hot summer nights. Both literally and figuratively.
With thoughts of summer and the fun most anticipate, I began to think of the good 'ol summer romances. Do they really exist anymore, and at 30-something have I out-grown them?? I'd like to think not, but...
Tonight I spent some time talking with Nyx and Aphrodite. My fellow single, gorgeous, intelligent cohorts. We all agreed, a summer romance could be just what we need to snap out of our B.S.S. funk we're in. What not better to snap out of a B.S.S. funk then being half naked at the pool, beach, or lake with the aroma of coconut oil and tequila sunrise's waifing in the air and a hottie laying next to you catching some rays?? That is picture perfect in my mind for some fun!
So I suppose the first place to start in our summer lovin' would be finding the right beach, pool, or lake boy. Again being 30-something, and for Nyx and Aphrodite who are single mom's, we just wouldn't go to our local club and pick out a yummy guy who winks at us. So where are us hottie, more sophisticated gals supposed to look?? Moreover, once we find Mr. Summer Dreamboat, how do we conduct our-self in the manner of fun versus relationship?? And to add to the pressure, what if one of us doesn't find a summer love?? What if our summer love is more like a summer one night stand?? Then when fall comes and Labor Day is in our lap, we are left just as depressed, alone and rejected as we ever were. So, is it really worth the effort and gamble?? Perhaps that is why I'm single but never available. LOL....
Okay, for the sake of argument, lets say Mr. Summer Dreamboat does fall into our life. Then what?? If he's so great, what makes us think our hot, summer fun won't suddenly become more complicated. Like as in, relationship complicated and commitment complicated?? Perhaps suddenly what was to be a fun filled summer fling, is now a messy, gooey, mushy ball of relationship mess. Again when fall comes, we are back at square one.
SO, that brings me to my last pondering thought.... Does any kind of fling or relationship happen like it does in the movies?? Is there a happily ever after at all?? Like Danny and Sandy, will your summer romance end up being the real deal?? Will Nyx, Aphrodite, and I find someone past Zeus or Hermes and the others that plague our day to day life already?? Is a summer romance really realistic for a 30-something looking for perfection in chaos??
Thoughts?? I know you all have opinions and advice this time... Lets hear what you think!
Stripped down, exposed and real…
~N/A
With thoughts of summer and the fun most anticipate, I began to think of the good 'ol summer romances. Do they really exist anymore, and at 30-something have I out-grown them?? I'd like to think not, but...
Tonight I spent some time talking with Nyx and Aphrodite. My fellow single, gorgeous, intelligent cohorts. We all agreed, a summer romance could be just what we need to snap out of our B.S.S. funk we're in. What not better to snap out of a B.S.S. funk then being half naked at the pool, beach, or lake with the aroma of coconut oil and tequila sunrise's waifing in the air and a hottie laying next to you catching some rays?? That is picture perfect in my mind for some fun!
So I suppose the first place to start in our summer lovin' would be finding the right beach, pool, or lake boy. Again being 30-something, and for Nyx and Aphrodite who are single mom's, we just wouldn't go to our local club and pick out a yummy guy who winks at us. So where are us hottie, more sophisticated gals supposed to look?? Moreover, once we find Mr. Summer Dreamboat, how do we conduct our-self in the manner of fun versus relationship?? And to add to the pressure, what if one of us doesn't find a summer love?? What if our summer love is more like a summer one night stand?? Then when fall comes and Labor Day is in our lap, we are left just as depressed, alone and rejected as we ever were. So, is it really worth the effort and gamble?? Perhaps that is why I'm single but never available. LOL....
Okay, for the sake of argument, lets say Mr. Summer Dreamboat does fall into our life. Then what?? If he's so great, what makes us think our hot, summer fun won't suddenly become more complicated. Like as in, relationship complicated and commitment complicated?? Perhaps suddenly what was to be a fun filled summer fling, is now a messy, gooey, mushy ball of relationship mess. Again when fall comes, we are back at square one.
SO, that brings me to my last pondering thought.... Does any kind of fling or relationship happen like it does in the movies?? Is there a happily ever after at all?? Like Danny and Sandy, will your summer romance end up being the real deal?? Will Nyx, Aphrodite, and I find someone past Zeus or Hermes and the others that plague our day to day life already?? Is a summer romance really realistic for a 30-something looking for perfection in chaos??
Thoughts?? I know you all have opinions and advice this time... Lets hear what you think!
Stripped down, exposed and real…
~N/A
Monday, May 19, 2008
NAKED ANXIETY: Single but Never Available
Single but never available... Isn't that the oxymoron of all times?? How can one be single but never available?? I'm sure you're thinking, this is about fear of commitment or lack of interest but really it's not. It's about how one can truly set themselves up to fail time and time again.
SO, I'll fully admit it. I'm the hopeless one who seems single but never available... I was labeled with this catchy phrase from one of my best girlfriends, we'll refer to as Nyx. Now, for those of you who aren't familiar with your Greek mythology (better brush up now!), she is revered by one of the most powerful goddesses and is also the most mysterious!! My girlfriend I'm referring to, is most certainly that... Anyway, Nyx one evening labeled me with the term "Single but Not Available" because I always seem to set MYSELF up to fail. How?? Well, of course by MY poor choices. After I mulled over her thoughts on my personal dating habits, I concluded I do tend to do just that, and so do many of my other friends. Guys and gals alike.
My most recent example?? Hermes, or in mythology he's also known as Mercury, is my unicorn... A fable creature I often wonder of his existence and know I'll never really catch. Hermes is all I ever looked for and truly all I ever wanted that I didn't know I needed. He's sweet, affectionate, caring, funny, sexy as all sexy gets. We share similar interests, and really just get each other. See the fable part coming into play?? We quickly became very close friends, and well you know. Love is really friendship on fire. That is how I feel about Hermes. In him I do see an imperfect person perfectly. But remember, I'm unavailable. Despite the perfect thought of Hermes and myself, he's not exactly available in more ways then one and like I seem to do quite often, I allow myself to perpetuate a scenario that will probably never come to fruition. Now with that being said, this fantasy I've lived in lately was not completely of my own imagination. Hermes himself played a major role in the conception of perfection. He's taken a lot of time to ensure I view him in a sexy and romantic way, whether it be intentional or not. SO, again the problem?? Realistically, I'm allowing myself to once again settle for someone who cannot possibly be everything I deserve right now. Also, like I said earlier, he's really not all too available right now in more ways then one.
Just walk away right?? Not so simple. I've begun to care. Period. Sad I know but oh so true. So again, what's a girl to do?? I've tied dating others and pursuing other possibilities, such as the Alpha Zeus a few weeks back. I've came close to just walking away from Hermes all together, friendship and all. When one is entrapped in such a suffocating situation, reflection often happens. With the aid of Nyx, as well as other friends, I've come to really believe perhaps I CHOSE to end up in bizarre situations like this. What if ones past is so painful and was so twisted, it's easier to pursue those you know will never really be yours just to eliminate fear of true rejection or additional pain?? Perhaps, I CHOSE to seek relationships I know will only be so much, because the risk and gamble of seeking real love and companionship is almost obscene in my mind. Perhaps after enduring a string of cheaters, liars and even a physically abusive relationship, I've decided to settle for a man that I KNOW will never really be mine, thus never really faithful... Hence, no risk or gamble. I know the deal and enter with my eyes wide open. Funny thing though... It never seems to be that easy right?? Someones heart, and yes it will be mine, will be crushed into a million pieces. AND, for that matter my heart is currently being held together with duct tape and gorilla glue... SO, I fear if it was to be damaged further, I might not ever be able to put it all back together.
Although the fear is present, along with skepticism, I will admit I'm about to the end of my rope. I'm alone. I'm over 30 and alone. Pathetic I know. I'm tired of being alone and wonder everyday if this is all life will bring me. I wake thinking, there must be more to life this, but what the hell is it and how do I get it?? Don't get me wrong, I love certain aspects of my life. I have an eclectic mix of terrific friends, I've seen a majority of the lower 48 states, I have friends scattered throughout the world, I've stood on the starting line when a pair of top fuel cars have raced the 1320... Hell, I've really lived! But at what price?? The price of being alone?? I love what I do, really I think I'm learning to love who I really am, I love my God, family and friends. BUT I'm single, alone and tired of doing this game of life by myself. So back to my original question. Why do I insist on being one of those girls who is single but never available??
Stripped down, exposed and real...
~N/A
SO, I'll fully admit it. I'm the hopeless one who seems single but never available... I was labeled with this catchy phrase from one of my best girlfriends, we'll refer to as Nyx. Now, for those of you who aren't familiar with your Greek mythology (better brush up now!), she is revered by one of the most powerful goddesses and is also the most mysterious!! My girlfriend I'm referring to, is most certainly that... Anyway, Nyx one evening labeled me with the term "Single but Not Available" because I always seem to set MYSELF up to fail. How?? Well, of course by MY poor choices. After I mulled over her thoughts on my personal dating habits, I concluded I do tend to do just that, and so do many of my other friends. Guys and gals alike.
My most recent example?? Hermes, or in mythology he's also known as Mercury, is my unicorn... A fable creature I often wonder of his existence and know I'll never really catch. Hermes is all I ever looked for and truly all I ever wanted that I didn't know I needed. He's sweet, affectionate, caring, funny, sexy as all sexy gets. We share similar interests, and really just get each other. See the fable part coming into play?? We quickly became very close friends, and well you know. Love is really friendship on fire. That is how I feel about Hermes. In him I do see an imperfect person perfectly. But remember, I'm unavailable. Despite the perfect thought of Hermes and myself, he's not exactly available in more ways then one and like I seem to do quite often, I allow myself to perpetuate a scenario that will probably never come to fruition. Now with that being said, this fantasy I've lived in lately was not completely of my own imagination. Hermes himself played a major role in the conception of perfection. He's taken a lot of time to ensure I view him in a sexy and romantic way, whether it be intentional or not. SO, again the problem?? Realistically, I'm allowing myself to once again settle for someone who cannot possibly be everything I deserve right now. Also, like I said earlier, he's really not all too available right now in more ways then one.
Just walk away right?? Not so simple. I've begun to care. Period. Sad I know but oh so true. So again, what's a girl to do?? I've tied dating others and pursuing other possibilities, such as the Alpha Zeus a few weeks back. I've came close to just walking away from Hermes all together, friendship and all. When one is entrapped in such a suffocating situation, reflection often happens. With the aid of Nyx, as well as other friends, I've come to really believe perhaps I CHOSE to end up in bizarre situations like this. What if ones past is so painful and was so twisted, it's easier to pursue those you know will never really be yours just to eliminate fear of true rejection or additional pain?? Perhaps, I CHOSE to seek relationships I know will only be so much, because the risk and gamble of seeking real love and companionship is almost obscene in my mind. Perhaps after enduring a string of cheaters, liars and even a physically abusive relationship, I've decided to settle for a man that I KNOW will never really be mine, thus never really faithful... Hence, no risk or gamble. I know the deal and enter with my eyes wide open. Funny thing though... It never seems to be that easy right?? Someones heart, and yes it will be mine, will be crushed into a million pieces. AND, for that matter my heart is currently being held together with duct tape and gorilla glue... SO, I fear if it was to be damaged further, I might not ever be able to put it all back together.
Although the fear is present, along with skepticism, I will admit I'm about to the end of my rope. I'm alone. I'm over 30 and alone. Pathetic I know. I'm tired of being alone and wonder everyday if this is all life will bring me. I wake thinking, there must be more to life this, but what the hell is it and how do I get it?? Don't get me wrong, I love certain aspects of my life. I have an eclectic mix of terrific friends, I've seen a majority of the lower 48 states, I have friends scattered throughout the world, I've stood on the starting line when a pair of top fuel cars have raced the 1320... Hell, I've really lived! But at what price?? The price of being alone?? I love what I do, really I think I'm learning to love who I really am, I love my God, family and friends. BUT I'm single, alone and tired of doing this game of life by myself. So back to my original question. Why do I insist on being one of those girls who is single but never available??
Stripped down, exposed and real...
~N/A
Monday, May 12, 2008
NAKED ANXIETY: Enduring the Bark and Dysfunction of the Alpha
We all know them. The powerful Alpha Male (or Female) who seems to have the sole life purpose of being the pack leader. I'm sure when I say Alpha Male someone like Donald Trump, General Douglas MacArthur, or Hugh Hefner all come to mind. Likewise the Alpha FEmale may stand out in similar ways, such as Angelina Jolie, Fergie and yes - even Oprah... SO, what exactly makes an Alpha you may be asking?? First off, the overwhelming need to be in control of every situation, followed by the illusion of superiority among other, less obvious traits. With that being said, Alpha's can be very useful. They tend to be innovative, intelligent, and leaders. BUT, with every positive comes a negative, and in the world of dating - Alpha's can be a real, well how can I put this, pain in the ass!
I myself recently had an interesting encounter with an Alpha Male... Let's refer to him as Zeus. Zeus is a great guy, don't get me wrong. VERY smart, funny, sexy... BUT he is most definitely an Alpha Male. When we were engaged in a group conversation with several others, it became painfully obvious Zeus is one of those... One of those men who feel the need to be standing while in discussion with several, most of which were women and all of whom were sitting, to show his superiority and to show his control of the room. His other Alpha Male traits included every stereotype you can imagine from being the mighty protector, to the savior God, to the always correct person. He even capped it all off with a dose of typical Alpha Male stubbornness.
Well, what's a girl to do?? Especially a girl who is also bordering on Alpha herself... Yes, I'll admit it. I'm a borderline Alpha and unfortunately drawn to other Alpha's which spells a whole new dysfunction. Perhaps that is my desperate attempt to finding someone who can keep me in check?? Just kidding. Anyway, Alpha's such as we are, tend to want to be in control of EVERYTHING. SO, in the middle of what was to be a nice evening, it turned somewhat disastrous. There was an uncomfortable undertone, followed by a constant power struggle. To make matters worse, there were subsequent arguments over the Alpha situations of the evening... Funny thing?? I really don't want to be an Alpha!
Which brings me to my final point... Is there a pressure on us 30-something females to have and be it all?? Is this whole generation of Alpha females something we have created?? Several decades ago, it was the job of the male to be the leader. NOW, don't get me wrong, I'm all for women's lib and feminism, but where do we draw the line?? In dating?? Perhaps this is why I'm still single?? Am I going against the natural order of things in fighting for control?? I'd like to think NO. C'mon, the famous Alpha's, both male and female, tend to be highly desired; but in the real world?? I suppose what I learned from this Alpha disaster, is with anything, there is a fine balance that must be achieved. I guess to some extent we all possess some Alpha traits, but it is up to us to decide if and when to let them out of the cage. I suppose for now, I'll keep dealing with Zeus, and the many like him I know... Anyone with any suggestions on success with an Alpha feel free to give me advice!
Stripped down, exposed and real...
~N/A
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
NAKED ANXIETY: B.S.S.!!
Yes, I said BSS!!! BEING SINGLE SUCKS! There is really no other way of putting it. What has brought me to that sudden conclusion, you may be asking?? In the past week or so, I've really listened to the agony and pain, not only from myself, but my best girlfriends. Now, when I say being single sucks, I mean, being single, dating and even some relationships that are far from marriage...
For me and my friends, the general theme is the game playing and BS we all seem to endure, deal with and sometimes even perpetuate. Why, oh why is this so much a part of dating rituals. The only conclusion I've come to is, I simply do not know!
The quest for finding our life partner is one that seems to center most adult lives. We go through the pain of beautification, then determination, and finally rejection. I sometimes wonder, being part of the now, 30-something, single crowd, that we have unrealistic expectations... Being a woman that is part of what I like to call the "Sex in the City" generation, we have an idea of what relationships should look like. Now, I am starting to see, we may have a twisted view of "happily ever after."
Does happily ever after really exist?? For one friend, I'll call her Miss A - her now live in boyfriend has issues with growing up and being an adult. He expects her to do all of the work while he reaps the rewards of a home cooked dinner each night, someone to do his laundry, pay the bills and of course the ever important twice weekly orgasm's. Now, my other girlfriend, we'll call her Miss B - her soon to be ex-husband is also selfish but in a very different way. He wants someone "safe" he knows will take care of him when he wants. Period. He wants to put in the effort when it suits him, which incidentally is in between his party nights, one night stand nights, drunken fest nights, and porn self gratification time. SO, Girlfriend we'll refer to as Miss C. She has just broken off a deal with a guy who seems to follow his pecker to other pastures when it suits him. He has zero idea what fidelity and honesty and faithfulness is, but incidentally doesn't see anything wrong with his behavior. What he and the other three have in common is, he feels this is in no way his fault or accepts any responsibility. Now, for myself?? Can I just say if there is a jerk who wants to use, abuse and lie - I'm your woman! Seriously, my last few have all had the same issues... "I like you! You are cool chick, but..." syndrome seems to have plagued them all. For some of them, they have too many ex-wives, lied about other girlfriends, or seem to just not know what they want. All the while, I'm left again with a shattered heart and less self-esteem then when I initially started the relationship.
One thing my girlfriends and I all have in common?? We are beautiful, smart, sexy, caring women. So, here we all are with the average age of 30, single and unhappy. Is it karma, just not meant to be, or are we all looking in the same loony-bin of guys?? Some of us have resorted to habitually starting relationships with men we know aren't available for whatever reason... Point and case, myself! I seem to CHOSE men who are in other relationships, long distance, etc... SO, it has now come to my attention, perhaps I am also afraid of intimacy. Then I realize all my friend are... Perhaps we've all been hurt, so it can easier to be with someone you expect nothing from. Maybe we just don't want to get our hopes up. OR maybe it's because all the guys that seem to give a damn really are just great actors and willing to play mind games with someone.
The "marrieds" as I like to call them all keep saying, "Oh enjoy your single time!" They seem to think I live this footloose and fancy free lifestyle of a sports publicist. You know, exciting travel, the ability to flirt with any man who suits me at the time, and of course the ability to do whatever the hell I want. BUT, have they long forgot how hard and painful dating can be?? I see what they have and almost puke from envy and jealousy, that they have found something I crave. Then I have to stop and wonder what exactly am I craving?? Stability?? Love?? Family?? I guess until I decide that, I'm really fighting an uphill battle.
SO, this has all seemed like a "men bashing" session. But I can say it isn't at all. I know some terrific guys and even some of my mixed up "ex's" aren't all that bad. Perhaps just as confused as I am. I can also say I've seen some of my better gal pal's play some serious game too. SO, in conclusion, all I can say is being single sucks!
Stripped down, exposed and real...
~N/A
For me and my friends, the general theme is the game playing and BS we all seem to endure, deal with and sometimes even perpetuate. Why, oh why is this so much a part of dating rituals. The only conclusion I've come to is, I simply do not know!
The quest for finding our life partner is one that seems to center most adult lives. We go through the pain of beautification, then determination, and finally rejection. I sometimes wonder, being part of the now, 30-something, single crowd, that we have unrealistic expectations... Being a woman that is part of what I like to call the "Sex in the City" generation, we have an idea of what relationships should look like. Now, I am starting to see, we may have a twisted view of "happily ever after."
Does happily ever after really exist?? For one friend, I'll call her Miss A - her now live in boyfriend has issues with growing up and being an adult. He expects her to do all of the work while he reaps the rewards of a home cooked dinner each night, someone to do his laundry, pay the bills and of course the ever important twice weekly orgasm's. Now, my other girlfriend, we'll call her Miss B - her soon to be ex-husband is also selfish but in a very different way. He wants someone "safe" he knows will take care of him when he wants. Period. He wants to put in the effort when it suits him, which incidentally is in between his party nights, one night stand nights, drunken fest nights, and porn self gratification time. SO, Girlfriend we'll refer to as Miss C. She has just broken off a deal with a guy who seems to follow his pecker to other pastures when it suits him. He has zero idea what fidelity and honesty and faithfulness is, but incidentally doesn't see anything wrong with his behavior. What he and the other three have in common is, he feels this is in no way his fault or accepts any responsibility. Now, for myself?? Can I just say if there is a jerk who wants to use, abuse and lie - I'm your woman! Seriously, my last few have all had the same issues... "I like you! You are cool chick, but..." syndrome seems to have plagued them all. For some of them, they have too many ex-wives, lied about other girlfriends, or seem to just not know what they want. All the while, I'm left again with a shattered heart and less self-esteem then when I initially started the relationship.
One thing my girlfriends and I all have in common?? We are beautiful, smart, sexy, caring women. So, here we all are with the average age of 30, single and unhappy. Is it karma, just not meant to be, or are we all looking in the same loony-bin of guys?? Some of us have resorted to habitually starting relationships with men we know aren't available for whatever reason... Point and case, myself! I seem to CHOSE men who are in other relationships, long distance, etc... SO, it has now come to my attention, perhaps I am also afraid of intimacy. Then I realize all my friend are... Perhaps we've all been hurt, so it can easier to be with someone you expect nothing from. Maybe we just don't want to get our hopes up. OR maybe it's because all the guys that seem to give a damn really are just great actors and willing to play mind games with someone.
The "marrieds" as I like to call them all keep saying, "Oh enjoy your single time!" They seem to think I live this footloose and fancy free lifestyle of a sports publicist. You know, exciting travel, the ability to flirt with any man who suits me at the time, and of course the ability to do whatever the hell I want. BUT, have they long forgot how hard and painful dating can be?? I see what they have and almost puke from envy and jealousy, that they have found something I crave. Then I have to stop and wonder what exactly am I craving?? Stability?? Love?? Family?? I guess until I decide that, I'm really fighting an uphill battle.
SO, this has all seemed like a "men bashing" session. But I can say it isn't at all. I know some terrific guys and even some of my mixed up "ex's" aren't all that bad. Perhaps just as confused as I am. I can also say I've seen some of my better gal pal's play some serious game too. SO, in conclusion, all I can say is being single sucks!
Stripped down, exposed and real...
~N/A
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